They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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