Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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