If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
