i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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