weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
