you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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