Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ketchup is God's man juice
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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