would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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