I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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