Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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