I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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