i need an iv and a liver transplant
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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