Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
