so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
