I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparently the secret to your success is patron
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We're too hungover to prance.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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