you win again, gameday.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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