I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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