I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
