All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
time to smoke my breakfast
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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