Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.