Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.