Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
