You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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