Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
