i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Come see our sink grown plant.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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