It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
