I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
