WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am naked and annoyed.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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