I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
