I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
