I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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