it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
