I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize