my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
