just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
