felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
then he tried to convert me to islam
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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