I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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