I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
