my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
