You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
