I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
