Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize