Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
