she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
