did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
