there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
