You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
