i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
