would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
