I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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