when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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