alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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