Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
