Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
