U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
there is puke in my bra ... again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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