he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
