would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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