This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
