her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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