I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
