He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
