so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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