He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
