His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.