woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
