what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up