I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
