he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
