Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
