Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
