I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
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Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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