I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
