dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize