he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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