we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
