i may or may not be watching the land before time
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
