Barsexuality is the new black.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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