Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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