is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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