Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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