you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
